Enough as She Is
Author: Rachel Simmons
- It’s not always about your child. She must learn what we have and do not have control over
- Examples: Racism, sexism, stereotypes
- Be aware of such injustices. Learn to manuver around them
- Model self-regulation
- Example: Not panic when your child gets poor grades
- “I wrote ‘be more confident’ in my previous …. I have a change of heart.” - Simmons
- Model serenity in the face of uncertainty
- Calibrate parental expectations
- Manage your own parental anxieties
- Identify facts. Be deliberate in parenting
- Do not make colleage the goal
- Do not “help her” lose weight; Call out unnaturally thiness in advertising and on-screen
- Tone down the Girl Power talk
- Illustrate that failure is part of the journey with Failure Resume
- Set realistic goals, e.g., take small risks before taking big ones
- While counseling both emphasize and encourage making decisions
- Practice self-compassion
- Mindfulness; observing what you’re feeling withou judgement
- Self-kindess; saying something kind to yourself
- Thinking about others who share your experience
- Identify your self-critic as a separate entity
- Even grown-up children have tantrums; react accordingly
- Teach not everything can be fixed
- Role models have made the Supergirl a baseline – creating unrealistic expectations
- Social media is damaging to a girl’s mental health
- Making college the most important goal is harmful and disincentivize courage taking
- Females care more about pleasing others, seeking feedback, performing and looking good
- A full schedule harms by confusing plan for purpose
- We send the message that a failure to have a career goal by high school is a failure in life
- Even in the 21st century, a fat female body is still expected to meet an unrealistic expectation of beauty
- A lack of confidence is not her fault
- Confidence can be learned - by hearing no repeatedly
- Defensive perssimism (“I’m going to fail”) is commonly practiced by girls
- Girls are more prone to rumination, which is largely cultural
- Girls struggle at finding kind words for themselves
- Our culture expects impossible standards of girls
- Academic performance does not suffer when parents do not emphasis acheivements
- For girls, there epidemic of poor mental health and lack of confidence
- Children who gets rewarded for an activity los intrinsic motivation for that activity; girls especially vulnerable
- Researches attempting to linking social media to well-being have been inconclusive
- Girls are prone to social comparison and feeback seeking online
- Body is the number two worry for young girls
- Affulent girls are more vulnerable to body image issues
- There is a confidence gap between males and females
- Girls are at greater risk for emotional problems
- Girls practice co-rumination which undermines their emotional well being
- Girls report more shame then boys
- Black girls are known to lose the least self-esteem during adolescence
- What is the right level of expectatio for any given family?
- Why extrinsic rewards harm females more?
- Is it because males are, as an unwritten rule, evaluated via the single metric of wealth? i.e., society and parents align on a single metric
- How to address the paradox of empowerment and self-blame?
- Where is the fine line between thinking hard vs rumination?
- Where is the fine line between self ciriticism and lack of confidence?
- Where is the fine line between asking for help and learned helplessness?
- When to preservere vs when to give up?
- Is this a form of Optimal Stopping Problem? N-Armed Bandit Problem?
- When to accept what one cannot control, when to have courage to change things